High Low

Sometimes being a parent makes me feel like I have a personality disorder. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Yesterday was a bad day. My body's been tired and Edie's behaviour is tiring me out too. She's still the same sweet girl, but now she is definitely testing her boundaries, and goes the extra mile with me. I understand that it's part of her development so I try not to get angry, but nevertheless it is hard.

I want to have outdoors time as part of our daily routine. Not just going out to shops and programs, but just taking a walk, breathing in fresh air. That was my goal this winter. To go out once a day, even if it takes 10min to get dressed for a 3min walk. It hasn't happened. Obviously I am in charge so the onus is on me, and once in awhile I revisit my goal. Yesterday Edie woke up early from a nap, so I thought it'd be perfect to try again. She had time to explore and ransack all the baskets in our rooms, have a hot drink, and read a few books. But no matter what strategies I used, she was unwilling to go out. I even offered to carry her on my back, but it was a no go. So there I was, fully ready in my winter gear, holding onto the backpack carrier, and crying a little just out of sheer physical and mental fatigue. I almost fell asleep in that position, if it wasn't for her bursts of whining/yelling. Edie usually gets some cheese and fruit as her snack, but the afternoon wore me out enough to break out chocolate cake and chips. So that was my low.

Then there was today. Edie, mesmerized by the flowers and the metal tray, sat contently in the glow of the afternoon light. I was a few feet away but it felt like a bubble separated us. Her focus was unbreakable. I was in awe of the light and how it showcased the beauty of a child at work. I don't know how she thought of this, but Edie told me she was "doing her homework". Don't have the words but I did catch some photos. 

Added on Feb 24: The whole post was triggered by breakfast the other morning but I totally forgot to write about it! I was upset and teared up at breakfast, and Edie turned to me and said: "hug hug mommy. I love you mommy", and she gave me a few side hugs. Then I said: "thank you Edie, for your encouragement." Then she shouted: "Go mommy go mommy go go go!!!" 

It's good to remember the highs.







Note: Post originally written on Feb 19.