Edith turned 2 months yesterday. 60 days of bliss, chaos and wonder, all rolled together as if it was one long day. As the saying aptly goes, "the days are long but the months are short". (Thanks for sharing, super E!)
My honest thoughts so far.
 Other than three onesies that my sister bought, Edith was too small for any of her clothes. Birth weight was just shy of 6 lbs.  She and I, we weren't quite sure what to make of each other.  Our families were wildly ecstatic to meet her,  Even if they express it differently.  I love walking in on my favourite people in a state of deep slumber.  At first I found her incredibly tiny and innocent.  After a few weeks, her feisty streak started to show. This may be my first so I don't have much else to compare against, but what kind of newborn kicks so hard she almost launches out of my arms while she eats?  As much as it feels like one, this is not a dream or a practice drill. Some days I wonder if I would wake up from my zombie-like state. Will I ever get to make crafts again? Half finished projects and ideas, please stand by.  It's amazing how the body rises to the occasion. I am, WAS, a deep sleeper. Somehow I've managed to wake up to for the night feeds, most of the time. Once I slept next to her and didn't hear the crying, apparently for almost 10 minutes.  In the first weeks of breastfeeding, Edie and I screamed and cried during most feeds. Milk would spray and choke the poor girl, and she would retaliate by clamping on me and pulling away. We still have a love-hate relationship with BF-ing but we're learning to cope with each other and my over enthusiastic body. If I'm honest, most days I don't enjoy it. But it is getting better and I'm trying to stick with it.  Edie likes her sleep. I worried a lot about whether I should wake her up to feed her. Lots of second guessing and self doubt. Parenting is all trial-and-error! I like things nice and neat. It doesn't quite work with a baby.  Edie is curious about the world, even if it's just a good old white ceiling.  When she cries and screams even though I've fed, changed, held and entertained her, I wonder why I got the baby from outter space. I don't doubt that she feels the same of me. This photo was the first time I had the time and energy to do a "photoshoot" with her. Now I know why people pay photographers to take pictures of their newborns. There simply isn't enough juice to be the mother and the photographer.  Of all the times she's waken up, three times, yes, three times, she woke up without crying her head off. Thanks to our good friends, we have this swing to save us when we're too tired, or lazy (heehee), to lull her to nap/sleep. At first she HATED it, then after a few weeks, she would tolerate going in if she was half asleep (she made the saddest face though), and now that she can see the mobile and the mirror hanging above and doesn't make that sad sad face, I feel a lot less guilty popping her in.  Going out with our carseat, yuck. Edith is a persistent little person and she used to cry the entire car ride, she still does sometimes. Even if she screamed till she lost her voice, she'd manage to whimper out one last falsetto battle cry. If she cried so hard she exhausted herself to sleep, a giant pool of foam was sure to appear around her little mouth when we arrived at our destination.  I may be smiling here but I was feeling anything but happy. I was really looking forward to our first outing, but after getting all bundled (Ottawa winters!), she could not fit into the carrier. High on hormones and low on patience, I started balling, I mean, it was just a ridiculous scene. My good old hubby gently encouraged me to try different jackets / wraps while I just kept crying and giving up. I am so thankful for him. He never lost his cool with my crazy postpartum self, but has been there 100% every time I needed a good pep talk.  Until Edith's arrival, I never heard Kelvin use the word adorable so many times. Actually in the 20 years I've known him I don't remember ever hearing that from his lips. He was crazy smitten with her. Obviously he still is, but I was shocked at how in love he was. Here they are at Edie's favourite place in the house, the change table. In this corner, she has long meaningful talks with the lamp, gestures to it, makes a nasty face when I tell her to say goodbye. Even when the light is off. It is equally bizarre and wonderful to watch.  It's scary how much she looks like me when she's pissed.  But when she's calm she looks just like her father. For sure she's inherited his hairline, and even some of his faux hawk.  When she's asleep in my arms and all I see are her fluttery eyelashes, I wonder where she got those from. I love stroking her forehead and planting big kisses on her face. When she's awake, I can usually get away doing this, but at times she'll make a big fuss telling me to back off.  Sometimes I sleep with her in my arms on our bed, just to keep her sleeping a little longer. It's so fun to feel her sleep kicks against my belly, they are exactly like the movements I felt when she was still in utero. I can't believe she lived there.  I consider it a good day when I have the energy and time to get ready, do some laundry and take a nap. I guess I had different expectations and it's easy to feel unproductive and discouraged. Learning to be patient and do my best one day at a time, that's my current lesson.  I feel relieved when Kelvin comes home. I get a break and Edith just ADORES her father. Her entire face lights up when they play together.  I never know how to answer when people ask: "So, how's motherhood? Isn't it wonderful?" I'm still processing all the changes and realities of motherhood. A lot of times I don't feel that gushy in love feeling, but probably that emotional connection will come once I get to know this little sponge better, or maybe just after I get some rest, haha. But it isn't about how I feel, really. I love her by taking care of her, getting to know her, and showing her the world. By God's grace, I always will.  This is Edith Rae, a precious gift in our family. She is 2 months old. |
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